The Things Women Say

Transcript
(Eric and David are at a diner. David is reading a book)

Eric: What are you reading?

David: A book that decodes things women say.

Eric: Really?

David: Yep. Look, when a woman tells you to "have a good time playing poker with your friends", it means "Don't you dare leave this house, you jerk."

Eric: Wow.

David: And listen to this...When a woman says "Sure, I'd like to go to that restaurant," it translates to "I hate that restaurant and if you make me go there again, I will give you the silent treatment for a month and not tell you why."

Eric: Oh my!

David: And...oh, geez...the question "Do you find that woman pretty?" actually means "I am just looking for a reason to punch you in the head, so give me one, you dumb fatface!"

Eric: Oh no!

(Just then, a woman turns her head to ask Eric something)

Woman: Excuse me, but could you please pass the salt?

(Eric is so startled that he freaks out)

Eric: AUGGHHHHH!!!

(Eric smashes his plate, the woman's plate, and his mug and falls onto the floor, much to the woman's confusion)

Woman: Is there a problem?

David: "I actually want the pepper, but I am testing your sensitivity to my needs."