Damsels in Distress No More

(W.I.P.)

Transcript
(All the Disney and non-Disney princesses are standing behind the curtain)

Merida: We’re going out there, Miss Sarah.

Mulan: We can’t hold it back any longer. We’ve been waiting to tell everyone for so long. Yes, even you.

Rapunzel: We’ve all got something to share, and everyone needs to hear it.

(The princesses walk onstage, and Snow White comes up to the microphone, gives it a tap, and speaks into it)

Snow White: All right, everyone, please quiet down for us!

(Silence falls)

Snow White: Thank you. Hello, we’re the Disney Princesses, and with us today are the non-Disney Princesses and unofficial Disney Princesses. We’re all here to talk about something very important, and we want all of you to hear.

Cinderella: We’ve been waiting to tell you this for so long, and today is the day we’re going to tell it, so please pay attention.

Aurora: Miss West, can you please come up?

(Sarah comes up onstage)

Rapunzel: If you’ve watched Sarah’s videos, then you might know how she portrays princesses. She usually portrays them as stereotypical damsels in distress, whether it’s existing princesses or princess OCs that she makes. We don’t like that at all. Not one bit.

Tiana: (points to Sarah) This woman says that a princess should be kidnapped by an evil villain, and then a hero has to come and rescue her, and then the princess must reward them with a kiss afterwards. She thinks some princesses should be weak, helpless damsels in distress who have to be protected from harm all the time.

Ariel: But it’s not just her who thinks we should be damsels in distress. There are lots of other people who think the same thing. We’ve heard this sort of thing from books about damsels in distress and being saved by young men who, nine times out of ten, mostly want power, expecting the princess to marry them afterwards.

Rapunzel: And do you know what we think about that? We think it’s garbage! Complete, pure garbage! If we ever get kidnapped or enslaved, we have no intention of staying and waiting, because we get better results if we act.

Belle: Look at us! Nobody has locked us up in cages, or tied us to railroad tracks or sawmill conveyor belts, or offered us as a sacrifice to a dragon until a knight in shining armor arrives to save us in the nick of time. We don’t need to be protected from danger or have people keep us safe from harm.

Pocahontas: Some of us talk to animals.

Ariel: And some animals talk to us.

Rapunzel: We’re supposed to have magic hair…

Elsa: Or magic hands.

Snow White: They think we have to be poisoned…

Anna: Cursed…

Jasmine: Kidnapped…

Belle: Or enslaved.

Cinderella: And people assume all our problems got solved because a big, strong man showed up.

Aurora: As princesses, we’ve experienced quite a few of those things, but it does not happen all the time.

Jasmine: Just take a look at Snow White. She’s a traditional damsel in distress. Many of us princesses are not like that anymore. We’ve changed since 1937, and we’ve changed a lot. We don’t sit around and wait for our Prince Charming anymore. We’re no longer prizes to be won. We’re real princesses, and real princesses save themselves.

Mulan: Why can’t you just let us be the heroes instead? We don’t need guys saving us 24/7. I mean, sure, every now and then we can let him beat up the villain, but we’re not gonna let that happen every time.

Moana: No way! We’re not damsels in distress anymore. It’s 2019! We’re strong, independent women!

Pocahontas: We have strength and power. Why can’t you let us defeat bad guys instead? We came prepared to fight, I’m just saying.

Belle: To quote Princess Diaries author Meg Cabot: “It’s only in fairy tales that princesses can afford to wait for the handsome prince to save them. In real life, they have to bust out of their own coffins and do the saving themselves.”

Jasmine: To be honest with you guys, we just don’t get why some people think our movies are misogynistic and a bad influence on children, especially little girls.

Tiana: I am exceptionally independent and I worked hard to achieve my aspirations.

Mulan: Pocahontas and I fought for our countries.

Ariel: Belle, Rapunzel, Jasmine, and I all dreamt of having new experiences and meeting people.

Rapunzel: We are far more than boy-obsessed damsels in distress. We’re all heroines.

Belle: Being a princess means being smart…

Pocahontas: Focused…

Jasmine: Confident…

Ariel: Resourceful…

Tiana: Strong…

Moana: And all that good stuff. You guys know what we mean?

Rapunzel:

(Princess Oriana and Princess Elise come in)

Oriana: Yes, Elise and I are indeed damsels in distress, but when we got kidnapped by villains, we didn’t sit around crying our eyes out and wailing for someone to help us.

Elise: That’s because we’re not that melodramatic.

Oriana: When I got kidnapped by the Duke of Zill, I only cried one tear to send a distress signal for help.

Elise: And I never cried when I got kidnapped by Dr. Robotnik, because I can’t cry at all. The reason why I can’t cry is because there’s a monstrous and destructive Iblis sealed up inside me, if I shed even one single tear, I might release Iblis, and if he is released from my soul, he’ll cause a huge amount of destruction. Nobody wants that.

Ariel: Do you understand what we’re saying, Miss Sarah? Do you understand that you can’t make your princess OCs damsels in distress all the gosh darn time?

Peach: Why do they always have to say “Thank you Mario, but your princess is in another castle”? If I were to congratulate Mario for saving me, I would say “Thank you Mario, but this princess is a strong, independent woman who don’t need no man!”

Jasmine: Some of us are rebel princesses, and rebel princesses don’t sit tight. Isn’t that right, Star Butterfly?

Star Butterfly: Right on, Jazzy!

Snow White: I believe the reason some of you think we’re bad role models for girls is because you have never bothered to see our positive qualities. Many of us princesses have done things to prove that we can be heroines, no matter how brave or strong we are. Though I’m not extraordinarily smart or brave, I have taught others that all of us have redeeming traits with my love of wildlife, my unconditional acceptance of those with physical disabilities, and my perseverant optimism. I devoted my time and energy to helping others.

Cinderella: In the midst of the appalling abuse and neglect of my stepmother and stepsisters, I became the epicenter of the function of my family. I loved my abusers not because of, but despite their abuse, and I sought friendships in the smallest and most meek of companions. I had courage and a strong sense of self so that I was able to go to a royal ball and woo the prince despite an entire life of bullying.

Aurora: Because I was the victim of political turmoil, I was forced into exile. I embodied hope in a hopeless situation, and my patroness of lost causes was so in tune with the family I was forced to leave behind that my greatest dream was unknowingly shared with my estranged parents.

Ariel: I was lost in an understandable childhood rebellion, and my mistakes lead my on a frightening path of transformation, betrayal, and near-death. My initial superficiality gave way to a deep and self-giving love for my paramour and for my own family. I had the courage to pursue my life that went against what society dictated.

Belle: I was criticized by my envious peers for my remarkable intelligence and unassuming beauty, and I longed for a life filled with meaning. Embracing sacrifice for the only family I had, I befriended a hideous monster and a variety of unbelievable servants, relying on an open mind and a genuine heart.

Jasmine: Despite my disdain for the life that my country’s traditions would make for me, I loved my father deeply, and I managed to see through an impoverished street boy’s rough exterior and find a king inside. I challenged chauvinistic values, stood up against a law I didn’t agree with and made my own determination about someone’s character whether it was popular or not.

Pocahontas: Even though my story was far from a historic portrayal, I gave viewers the opportunity to explore faith, tradition, and great inner strength. Inspired by the memory of my late mother and my trust in the spirits, I singlehandedly stopped a war before sacrificing a great love for the sake of peace and unity.

Mulan: I value duty, honor, and family above all, and I sacrificed my chances at a normal life to save my father from a certain death on the battlefield. Despite my initial rejection as a beauty, I showed viewers that true glamor is found in strength.

Aurora: We are beautiful, strong, and independent princesses. If our Prince Charming are taking too long, we will get on our high horses and find them ourselves.

Cinderella: Starting today, we will worry less about fitting into glass slippers and more about shattering glass ceilings.

Snow White: And let’s hear it for girl power.

(The princesses leave as crowd cheering is heard which ends the video)