The Expectation Crusher

Transcript
(Eric has invented a machine out of a cardboard box)

Eric: Behold! I, Eric, have figured out that the key to happiness is to lower your expectations. So I have invented the "Expectation Crusher".

Ryan: How does it work?

Eric: You write down each of your expectations down on these strips of paper and put them in here. Then, the Expectation Crusher grinds them down to make one low expectation you can meet, making you happy. Here, try it.

(Ryan writes down each of his expectations)

Ryan: I want all of the Pixar movies on DVD. I want to be a professional football player. I want to eliminate all the vandals and trolls from the Internet. I want to be famous on YouTube.

(Ryan places his expectations into the machine. Eric presses a button and the machine starts grinding the strips of paper. Once it's done, it spits out a slip of paper, and Eric catches it. He reads the low expectation that Ryan has)

Eric: I want a hat.

(Ryan is overjoyed because he's wearing a hat)

Ryan: I got that! I got that!

Eric: How did you do that?